A Drive Home
by Lonewritersclub
Summary: Edward, who you might think is perfect, isn't. He far from that. Outside can fool you. But deep inside there is a soul which is aching from all the thoughts that shout in his head. His mind doesn't know which is his own thoughts and feelings, so it all makes him insane. And no one knows about this. But the family has now found out. Some talking on the way home from the doctor.


It was a boring old room. There was a dull looking green plant that looked like it haven't been watered in a long time. But still it was fighting back the musty air. That only made me remember Edward again.

The doctor in front of me; Wilton was an aged man who's plain glasses had almost run down to the tip of his nose. I have met him a couple of times in the hospital, even though he worked in an asylum. He seemed well educated and sophisticated. But right now, even with his polite words I was angry to him. I hoped I didn't let it show. He was only trying to help and I was the one who brought Edward here to be examined anyway.

"Carlisle? Are you listening to me? I know this must be hard to hear, but I don't know any other subtle way to tell this to you", Dr. Wilton called me. I immediately focused my hazy gaze to him and his grey eyes.

"Your son... His absolutely broken. He has a brilliant mind. The voices he told about me - that he can hear thoughts - it seems like he almost truly could hear them. He identifies impressions very well for that matter. But of course that isn't true. And it's very deplorable that the way he hears them is like yelling, and in fuzzy choirs, so he can't hear his own thoughts anymore. When I was talking to him he didn't seem to concentrate to me at all. He couldn't hear me or couldn't answer me, because he didn't know what he thought about things", Wilton said sorrowful.

"I don't know what has gotten into him. What made him like this", I mumbled at lowered my eyes to the wooden floor. "I will prescribe him pill for the delusions. His eyes seem to always wonder into looking something that isn't there. And of course for the voices and depression. Then he will get some therapy hours. Would four times a week do the trick for you?" he asked and writing something onto papers that few of them were given to me. One sentence I noticed very clearly:

_Mianserin for severe clinical depression_

He was depressed? I mean I knew Edward was upset, but _severe_? How couldn't I see it? I felt so bad for my son.

"Carlisle, I'm very sorry about this. I know that you're a good man, this can't be because of you. But Edward is insane. There's no way to go around that fact. But there a ways to treat it. If the therapy and the medication won't work, then I can submit you a few facilities for him", Dr. Wilton said. "Thank you Wilton", I thanked even though I still felt stupendous anger towards him. I stood up from the black leather chair and shook Wilton's hand.

"No problem Carlisle. All the best for your family and happy Christmas", he said and I wished him the same and then walked out of the office. Edward was in the hallway sitting on a line of chairs. His head was slumped down, but his black eyes were wide and fixed on the flagged floor. "Edward", I called him from his dream-like stage. But it was the opposite of dreams.

I took his slender cold hand and helped him to stand. His pale face looked at me in surprise and confusion. "Oh hello Carlisle. Are we ready to leave?" he asked me in the most polite way. He was out of this world. "Come on, Eddie", I just said and leaded us out of the building and to my black Mercedes.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him when I yet had to put the papers in my suitcase which was on the back seat. "Fine", he answered, but the tone of his voice was starting to sound normal. And I'm afraid that the "normal-tone" of his now-days was sad and just off.

"Edward, please don't lie to me. I know you're not fine", I said and started the engine. Soon we were off from the snowy parking lot and drove away to home. "Then you don't have to ask", he said to me dully. I saddened me. "I don't want you to be. And you should have told us earlier that you weren't fine. Then maybe it wouldn't have come to this", I said.

"You couldn't have helped, don't worry", Edward said back. "But you didn't have to put on an act that you were alright. It must have only made you even more breakable and unhappy." I stopped the car next to the garage. We had reached home.

"I thought I was happy. But I found that it was only fiction. But I didn't want you to feel like I felt. Unwanted and dismissed. And I still don't want your pity and sorrow. But now you know how imperfect I am. I'm not saying that you thought I was, but how I'm not even close to being there with you. And I'm incredibly jealous of you for feeling and being so much better than I am, and just that thought makes me much less than I already am. I'm sorry for letting you down Carlisle", he told me honestly. This was the first time he actually told me anything about how he actually felt. But I could still feel that there was so much more inside of him that he hasn't told anyone.

"Don't you dare apologize to me. You have nothing to be sorry about. This is not your fault", I strongly corrected him. Then I realized who I was actually angry to: myself. This was all my fault. I should have seen my son hurting and suffering, but all I have done was ask him how he was. And of course let him be, when he just said he was fine. But he was just trying to protect us from feeling even a little bit sad from what he was feeling all the time.

"I don't think I can have the pills", Edward said after a long silent minute. "I know you can't", I copied him. "But we'll think about the therapy."

"What? I don't want therapy. They think I'm insane and lock me up to some mental hospital. They can't help me", he suddenly burst out. "But you can talk to someone about your feelings. Maybe that will help your depression", I tried to make him understand.

"I don't know my feelings anymore. My mind is taken uncomfortably, unwillingly and uncontrollably to someone's mind and then thrown to someone else, when they don't want me anymore. The thoughts and the feelings... I don't know if I feel my own confusion anymore or if it's somebody's else. I don't know if I will ever be home. Carlisle, my mind is bruised. And it hurts and it aches. Its all eating me away. I don't know if I am anymore in here. I don't know what to do." Edward first shouted, but his voice turned quieter to the end. Then he was sobbing. My heart was breaking from his words and the sight of my broken boy.

"Edward... I love you and I am so sorry about this. But I will do everything in my power to make you feel better", I promised to him and hugged him against myself tightly. I could hear that the other members of our family had come outside and were standing by the door. They had heard what Edward said. Now they knew too. Bella would too. It was important for her to know as well, even though Edward wanted to seem unbreakable and perfect to her, because he was scared that Bella would leave him otherwise. He was so self-conscious. Like there wouldn't be anything else than the vampirism that Bella would love about him.

"I love you too", he said with a soft voice.

* * *

I really love author reallyhatebananas stories about Edward and this one is based on one of them. I hope she doesn't mind :)

Though I really don't know what was this all about. And again I'm too lazy to look out for spelling mistakes, so sorry about those if you find some.


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